Welcome to My Blog:

I hope that by starting and maintaining this blog I can give people access to information and insights they previously may not have had. If I can inspire one person to live a better, healthier life, then this blog has been a success.

Hello, My Name Is:

A little about myself, I am a female in my mid 20’s. I am currently going to school to work in IT, and hold a related job. I spend most of my time either at work, at school, or at the gym. I am very proud of the progress I have made, and really love helping other people out. I have found that many people share the same feeling on the more difficult topics of weight loss, but for whatever reason do not want to share them in a public setting.  I have always been a very open person about my weight struggles and the factors that played into it. To me it is a wonderful thing to help people discuss the issues they may be facing, and offer any advice and support that I can to get them through it.

Where I’m From

I used to weigh 350lbs when I gave up looking at the scale, size 24 pants that were too snug, size 3x shirt that felt like a tent. I didn’t have to look in the mirror to dislike myself. I felt it when it hurt to walk, I was trapped in my own body.

At the time I “fixed” this feeling of emptiness and self loathing with food. It didn’t matter what I ate, so long as it was something to put in my mouth. I cannot even say that the taste of food was a driver, there was no meal that looking back I could say “Damn I’m glad I ate that.”

Back then, the meal wasn’t over when I was full. It was over when I was in pain.  It was over when I felt physically sick at the table. Needless to say I was burned out and depressed.

I’d like to say that there was one big “holy sh*t, I need to get it together moment.” Between having an arthritic knee that got louder each day, my doctor telling me I was pre-diabetic, or just the general feeling of self loathing that came with the sun rising: I had plenty of motivation to pull it together. But I didn’t.

I suppose the thing that lit a fire under my ass is when I tried online dating. At the time I had normalized my weight and felt that the lifestyle I lived was acceptable. But I found that the people I found myself attracted to vs what was “in my league” were two wildly different things. Looking at the profiles of potential suitors really opened my eyes, I didn’t find them attractive, I found their profiles downright depressing. I suppose the part that was the most depressing is that they reflected my own insecurities and issues. The strongest repulsion wasn’t toward the person messaging me, it was towards my own presentation.

I knew I was a hypocrite looking for a partner that took care of themselves when I was literally a dumpster fire on two legs. I didn’t want to be with someone like me because I didn’t like me to begin with.

So at the end of the day, it wasn’t medical necessity that prompted me to finally commit to losing weight. Some people may cry that I caved to social pressure, and that this whole blog is a monument to why we need fat acceptance. But I can say, that even though my initial motivation may have been self-loathing and in a way self-destructive, what it has evolved into is something and someone that I sometimes have to take a step back from and just go “Holy sh*t, I did it. This was all me.”

Where I Am:

As of today I have lost 96lbs since January 2016. A year and 7 months have gone into this. It was not easy, or even consistent. Injuries, illness, and life had a way of derailing progress. Regardless of how many times I was knocked down, I always got up. My biggest motivator now being I had come too far to backslide into old behaviors. Everything I did and do is for myself and my well-being alone. Lifting became a way to relieve stress and give difficult days purpose. As of now I have spent 7 months in the weight room, leaving behind the machines. It has not been easy, the weights were the second heaviest thing in the room. The anxiety crushing my chest, and the claustrophobia from being in a small space with too many people was and is my most impressive Personal Record.

 

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